There was once a girl, she wore sheaths of bacon for clothes. Rich, glorious bacon. Smelling of bagels and leprechauns she made her way to town. For her dream was to become the worlds first silver lined tubamaphone.

Upon the road of many travels she did set. Foot after foot she drew nearer her destination of Soup Town, home of the worlds greatest salad. Soon, a putrid smell wafted to her nose. Upon smelling this, she grimaced. What could it be! She searched high and low until she realized it was her suit of bacon.

“Oh no!” she proclaimed, “Without my bacon dress, I will never become the worlds greatest seeing eye dog!” And with a jump, she began running to town. Long strides carrying her, the cool air conditioning of the local pub her only safety almost within reach.

The bacon pants slowly began cooking, the shirt boiling, the shoes smoking ever so slightly. The girl screamed at the top of her lungs as she ran, a slight haze emanating from her baking clothes.

The pub! She could see it!

Almost out of breath, she staggered then stumbled into the room. Catching her heel on the doormat saying, “Welcome” with much disdain. Falling, her eyes glazed over, the bacon flying, exploding, about the room.

Now a heap on the floor, the girl cried. “How will I ever be America’s Next Top Model without my bacon swimwear.’ A look of depression crawled around her face, pulling tears down like leaves of fall.

“Dear girl, do you not see?” A wistful voice asked from the corner. “Do you not see what you have created?”

The girl peered up. Around her she saw the most amazing thing.

The bacon from her shirt had flown, landing peacefully on sandwiches being eaten around the room. Her bacon pants, broken and crumbled, fell into soups and salads. Her bacon shoes impaled deep within thick maple syrup. Her socks… her socks fluttered about the bartenders lips as his mouth curled into a smile.

A general look of peace fell upon the room as they munched and chewed their new found treasures.

“You are an angel,” a woman said.

“A miracle!” the crowd cheered and clapped.

The girl, now naked, held her lady bits close, away from prying eyes, and blushed.

“I had no idea…” she said, “thank you, thank you so much.”

And thus began the story of Jamie Oliver.

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