My friend was trying a dating site, so he talked me into signing up with him. The first site rejected me, saying …

Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching model could not accurately predict with whom you would be best matched. We hope that you understand, and we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time.

The second site rejected my profile because open palm smashing the keyboard for thirty seconds does not produce English. Didn’t know it was a prerequisite.

So, now I’m ashamed for using a dating site, ashamed for getting rejected by the sites, and ashamed for sharing this on here!

I’mma die alone.